Friday, 10 July 2009

Writing - the All-Weather Craft

I am very excited to say I wrote two stories yesterday! They were pretty short ones, but still!
I borrowed a book from the library called The Right to Write by Julia Cameron a few weeks ago, and I'm finding it very helpful. It's not so much a technical guide on HOW to write, but more an inspirational guide on WHAT and WHY to write. There's an exercise at the end of each chapter, and I've been slowly working through and doing them all. I thought I'd share one with you; I found it a lot of fun to write. The exercise was called Bad Writing, and it is meant to get you out of the habit of thinking that everything you write must be amazingly perfect, or else it's not worth the bother. The aim is to write a mock tabloid article on a really cheesy topic. I had a lot of fun using as many cliches as I could possibly cram in. (I usually try to avoid them, so it felt very freeing.) Here it is:


Poor BIANCA SPOONS is at it again. The Spoons household erupted into a domestic nightmare over the weekend, as Bea and hubby KEITH FOPPERDEW argued over baby-sitting duties. According to a close friend of the family, the spat lasted for hours, with insults being hurled on both sides. Bianca is sick of failed rapper K-Fop's womanising ways, and being left at home with Shaynne, 2, and Jaguarr, 18 months, while he parties every weekend. Well-known rumours abuot K-Fop's antics have only served to hurt Bianca and further erode her trust in her man. A neighbour, who sensitively refused to be identified, claims that the ugly argument could be heard beyond the borders of the Spoons' Hollywood mansion. What's more, the screaming upset the children, who could be seen running back and forth through the house's huge bay windows.

An inside source revealed K-Fop's fustration at being forced into the role of Daddy, and his desperate yearning to break free of his other moniker: Mr. Bianca Spoons. As the fight reached a crescendo, well past the children's bed-time, Keith was seen leaving the Spoons domicile, throwing more insults over his shoulder as he sped away in his recently-purchased Porsche. A sobbing Bea called her closest pal, pop songstress MIDOONA, and she rushed from the studio where she was recording her latest album Flexible to be at Bea's side. Our source reveals that the girlfriends talked for hours, with Midoona's comforting influence the only thing preventing Bianca from indulging in yet another embarrassing eating binge. Eventually, Midoona was seen leaving the Spoons estate, well after 3am, and returning home to Mr. Midoona and her own multi-fathered children.

Bea's confidence has been shattered by her failure to lose her baby weight after the birth of her second child Jaguarr, now a long 18 months ago. Her anguish must be compounded by the knowledge that K-Fop is spreading his attentions amongst an ever-widening circle of female admirers, not least of which is 19-year-old model TATIANA SNOGKOVA. A record industry insider confirms that K-Fop's new album I'm Really Sexy is about to begin production, whereas Bianca is in danger of losing her pop star status, not to mention her credibility, if she doesn't make a move soon. The pressure on Bianca is mounting as she struggles with being a mother and holding onto her past successes.

Cracks began to show in her veneer of happy motherhood a year ago when she was accused of leaving little Shaynne alone for over 10 minutes while he played at the edge of the local swamp. Bea's desperate attempts to blame the boo-boo on the children's then-Nanny fooled no-one, and K-Fop's faith in her as the mother of his children was shattered. Since then, her life has been a never-ending spiral of guilt-inducing eating binges and obsessive gym junkie sessions, with little Shaynne and Jaguarr left with a succession of minders, barely even knowing who their real Mommy and Daddy are.

What will the future hold for Bianca, Keith and their troubled relationship? Will Bea manage to hold her life together as a wife and mother and stop K-Fop from straying? Will K-Fop succumb to the charms of his latest love interest, Tatiana? Only time will tell.

And remember, comments are love! ;)

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